








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1541 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 267 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 44 matches | ||
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 118 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




75 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7868 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,578 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6776 | 31% |
| Smokes | 6007 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5523 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3272 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,504,874 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 716 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Аберама Голд | 43% | 46 |
| #8 | mirzamagomedov | 41% | 68 |
| #9 | Rozā brilles | 41% | 112 |
| #10 | Natasha Volkova | 40% | 42 |
| #11 | Salmon Salamon, Fish King | 35% | 96 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rozā brilles | 365 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #2 | Билли Бой | 332 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | PATCHY THE GORILLA | 282 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | vhoon | 226 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #5 | Salmon Salamon, Fish King | 224 | 0.11 | 4 min |





