








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2172 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 465 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 174 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 120 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 101 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 86 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 86 matches | ||
| Faceit | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 42 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Renown | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 112 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




87 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
12317 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 41,764 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10687 | 26% |
| Smokes | 5607 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 12570 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 12900 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,731,257 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2904 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | A F*ing NINJA, MAN!! | 53% | 236 |
| #9 | awpenheimer | 53% | 139 |
| #10 | STRATEX:;; | 50% | 134 |
| #11 | Søndagsbarnet Jakobsen | 48% | 208 |
| #12 | Xenomorph Queen | 47% | 118 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jojj | 715 | 0.21 | 19 min |
| #2 | A F*ing NINJA, MAN!! | 549 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #3 | CATNEGOTIATOR | 545 | 0.24 | 13 min |
| #4 | + dégenèse + | 512 | 0.21 | 14 min |
| #5 | Søndagsbarnet Jakobsen | 490 | 0.11 | 13 min |





