








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 562 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 439 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 20 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5407 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,615 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3204 | 22% |
| Smokes | 3730 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3506 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4175 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,719,001 of utility $228 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 480 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Iиstiлctツ | 51% | 45 |
| #2 | King Klósett | 50% | 356 |
| #3 | [Republican] Ted Cruz | 47% | 99 |
| #4 | gilli | 47% | 47 |
| #5 | Bogi | 46% | 423 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [Democrat] Joe Biden | 22 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | King Klósett | 13 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Bogi | 10 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | [Republican] Ted Cruz | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | alephnullxd | 3 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [Democrat] Joe Biden | 1369 | 0.10 | 38 min |
| #2 | King Klósett | 658 | 0.09 | 19 min |
| #3 | Bogi | 644 | 0.07 | 17 min |
| #4 | alephnullxd | 424 | 0.24 | 13 min |
| #5 | Iиstiлctツ | 184 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alephnullxd | +4.16 | 78 | 69 |
| #2 | Iиstiлctツ | +3.69 | 83 | 73 |
| #3 | King Klósett | +3.16 | 72 | 49 |
| #4 | BlastyBlast | +1.42 | 54 | 46 |
| #5 | [Republican] Ted Cruz | -0.31 | 64 | 58 |





