








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 57 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 51 matches | ||
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2722 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,652 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1591 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1957 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 986 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1118 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $501,344 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 121 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Braxton "No Gag" Pierce | 68% | 47 |
| #2 | BLOATMAXX | 64% | 122 |
| #3 | ⚡ LoL, Zeused ⚡ | 60% | 110 |
| #4 | Doc | 55% | 20 |
| #5 | AussieHaza | 55% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⚡ LoL, Zeused ⚡ | 411 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #2 | Braxton "No Gag" Pierce | 229 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #3 | Mr. Warren from Erections | 201 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | Carbon | 131 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | BLOATMAXX | 96 | 0.04 | 2 min |





