








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 59 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1399 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,568 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 856 | 24% |
| Smokes | 880 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1033 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 799 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $341,325 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 259 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BLOATMAXX | 69% | 32 |
| #2 | AussieHaza | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | Braxton "No Gag" Pierce | 53% | 62 |
| #4 | THE GREAT AMERICAN HOG | 52% | 64 |
| #5 | ⚡ LoL, Zeused ⚡ | 47% | 93 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Braxton "No Gag" Pierce | 5 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | ⚡ LoL, Zeused ⚡ | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Carbon | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Mr. Warren from Erections | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | THE GREAT AMERICAN HOG | 3 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⚡ LoL, Zeused ⚡ | 397 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #2 | Braxton "No Gag" Pierce | 296 | 0.25 | 8 min |
| #3 | Mr. Warren from Erections | 220 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #4 | THE GREAT AMERICAN HOG | 131 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Carbon | 80 | 0.10 | 2 min |





