








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 36 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1212 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,875 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1607 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1014 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 958 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1296 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $605,406 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 394 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BLOATMAXX | 67% | 46 |
| #2 | Braxton "No Gag" Pierce | 54% | 35 |
| #3 | THE GREAT AMERICAN HOG | 52% | 90 |
| #4 | ⚡ LoL, Zeused ⚡ | 49% | 141 |
| #5 | Cob.Prince | 44% | 95 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Braxton "No Gag" Pierce | 5 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | ⚡ LoL, Zeused ⚡ | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | THE GREAT AMERICAN HOG | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Cob.Prince | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | AussieHaza | 3 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⚡ LoL, Zeused ⚡ | 557 | 0.20 | 13 min |
| #2 | THE GREAT AMERICAN HOG | 189 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | Braxton "No Gag" Pierce | 160 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #4 | Cob.Prince | 118 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Carbon | 68 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BLOATMAXX | +6.56 | 92 | 40 |
| #2 | Braxton "No Gag" Pierce | +4.32 | 58 | 71 |
| #3 | THE GREAT AMERICAN HOG | +4.12 | 72 | 58 |
| #4 | AussieHaza | +0.15 | 55 | 38 |
| #5 | Cob.Prince | -0.48 | 44 | 45 |





