








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 382 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 141 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4808 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,870 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 626 | 11% |
| Smokes | 1820 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1791 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1633 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,139,633 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 85 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cob.Prince | 69% | 32 |
| #2 | Braxton "No Gag" Pierce | 68% | 50 |
| #3 | Mr. Warren from Erections | 67% | 46 |
| #4 | ⚡ LoL, Zeused ⚡ | 65% | 63 |
| #5 | THE GREAT AMERICAN HOG | 64% | 122 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AussieHaza | 10 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | Braxton "No Gag" Pierce | 6 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | THE GREAT AMERICAN HOG | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Carbon | 4 | 0.0075 |
| #5 | Cob.Prince | 3 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Braxton "No Gag" Pierce | 238 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #2 | THE GREAT AMERICAN HOG | 224 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | ⚡ LoL, Zeused ⚡ | 192 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #4 | Swooty | 159 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #5 | ventake | 110 | 0.22 | 3 min |





