








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
464 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 957 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 290 | 30% |
| Smokes | 217 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 179 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 271 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $167,058 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CerealSauce | 67% | 12 |
| #2 | Chaka | 59% | 34 |
| #3 | MapleFlavored | 51% | 35 |
| #4 | Mr. Puffer | 45% | 22 |
| #5 | Thing 3 (terrible) | 41% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MapleFlavored | 11 | 0.0156 |
| #2 | Thing 3 (terrible) | 10 | 0.0127 |
| #3 | Chaka | 10 | 0.0146 |
| #4 | Mr. Puffer | 3 | 0.0071 |
| #5 | Jose | 2 | 0.0096 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MapleFlavored | 148 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #2 | Chaka | 126 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #3 | Jose | 51 | 0.25 | 2 min |
| #4 | Thing 3 (terrible) | 48 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Mr. Puffer | 37 | 0.09 | 1 min |





