








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 59 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 321 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2670 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,713 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2561 | 33% |
| Smokes | 881 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 3362 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 909 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $900,411 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 140 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Puffer | 57% | 28 |
| #2 | Chaka | 50% | 210 |
| #3 | Envy | 49% | 162 |
| #4 | Copa | 48% | 175 |
| #5 | Jose | 47% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Envy | 49% | 162 |
| #4 | Copa | 48% | 175 |
| #5 | Jose | 47% | 74 |
| #6 | MapleFlavored | 47% | 87 |
| #7 | Thing 3 (terrible) | 37% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chaka | 28 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | Copa | 27 | 0.0073 |
| #3 | MapleFlavored | 21 | 0.0114 |
| #4 | Jose | 15 | 0.0096 |
| #5 | Envy | 14 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chaka | 809 | 0.18 | 22 min |
| #2 | Copa | 407 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #3 | MapleFlavored | 267 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | Jose | 241 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #5 | Envy | 222 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Copa | +2.74 | 80 | 46 |
| #2 | Mr. Puffer | +2.21 | 46 | 57 |
| #3 | Chaka | +1.33 | 71 | 58 |
| #4 | Envy | +0.16 | 54 | 43 |
| #5 | MapleFlavored | -0.11 | 44 | 41 |





