








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 379 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 175 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 129 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




232 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5421 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,422 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4140 | 25% |
| Smokes | 6271 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 2672 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 3339 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,021,959 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 972 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TubbyWubs | 64% | 42 |
| #2 | General Chow Chow | 47% | 470 |
| #3 | You | 47% | 399 |
| #4 | wagyu burger | 43% | 389 |
| #5 | Nefarious Fubar | 42% | 331 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TubbyWubs | 64% | 42 |
| #2 | General Chow Chow | 47% | 470 |
| #3 | You | 47% | 399 |
| #4 | wagyu burger | 43% | 389 |
| #5 | Nefarious Fubar | 42% | 331 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nefarious Fubar | 106 | 0.0163 |
| #2 | You | 103 | 0.0131 |
| #3 | wagyu burger | 94 | 0.0123 |
| #4 | General Chow Chow | 17 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | TubbyWubs | 2 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wagyu burger | 1187 | 0.16 | 30 min |
| #2 | Nefarious Fubar | 665 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #3 | General Chow Chow | 558 | 0.06 | 13 min |
| #4 | You | 349 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| #5 | TubbyWubs | 56 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TubbyWubs | +6.81 | 88 | 60 |
| #2 | schadenfreude | +1.15 | 70 | 47 |
| #3 | General Chow Chow | +1.03 | 62 | 37 |
| #4 | You | +0.73 | 74 | 28 |
| #5 | wagyu burger | -2.00 | 13 | 49 |





