










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
519 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,047 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 893 | 29% |
| Smokes | 497 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 842 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 815 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $255,232 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lowqee | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Cr1m1nal | 52% | 83 |
| #3 | Zorr0 | 52% | 66 |
| #4 | §þð†lê§§ | 46% | 37 |
| #5 | Jay | 46% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Zorr0 | 52% | 66 |
| #4 | §þð†lê§§ | 46% | 37 |
| #5 | Jay | 46% | 61 |
| #6 | EhX | 41% | 17 |
| #7 | TrustyG | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zorr0 | 14 | 0.0105 |
| #2 | Cr1m1nal | 10 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | §þð†lê§§ | 6 | 0.0084 |
| #4 | EhX | 2 | 0.0058 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zorr0 | 325 | 0.24 | 9 min |
| #2 | Cr1m1nal | 274 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #3 | §þð†lê§§ | 244 | 0.34 | 7 min |
| #4 | Jay | 61 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | TrustyG | 30 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | §þð†lê§§ | +4.19 | 75 | 83 |
| #2 | Cr1m1nal | +3.07 | 73 | 62 |
| #3 | EhX | +2.26 | 71 | 50 |
| #4 | Jay | +1.36 | 87 | 53 |
| #5 | Zorr0 | +1.31 | 82 | 70 |





