








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 286 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 202 matches | ||
| Premier | 199 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 167 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 143 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 95 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 86 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 64 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 94 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




148 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7981 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,377 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4625 | 19% |
| Smokes | 5153 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 11145 | 46% |
| Molotovs | 3454 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,997,230 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 202 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | giraffetrades | 55 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Porkchop | 42 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | killallmytroubles | 12 | 0.0076 |
| #4 | Elusive_Jackal | 10 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | HoesMad | 6 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | giraffetrades | 2133 | 0.17 | 51 min |
| #2 | Porkchop | 742 | 0.07 | 21 min |
| #3 | HoesMad | 649 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #4 | bandmanertons JR | 324 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #5 | killallmytroubles | 287 | 0.18 | 7 min |





