








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 135 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Train | 124 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 115 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 84 matches | ||
| Premier | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




66 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6475 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,000 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10149 | 42% |
| Smokes | 5017 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 4881 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3953 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,383,306 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 323 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Porkchop | 49% | 282 |
| #4 | Shoeshang | 47% | 632 |
| #5 | Elusive_Jackal | 47% | 173 |
| #6 | HoesMad | 45% | 112 |
| #7 | bandmanertons JR | 35% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shoeshang | 72 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | Porkchop | 23 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Elusive_Jackal | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | bandmanertons JR | 5 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | HoesMad | 4 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shoeshang | 524 | 0.04 | 13 min |
| #2 | Porkchop | 392 | 0.07 | 10 min |
| #3 | HoesMad | 329 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #4 | bandmanertons JR | 178 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #5 | Elusive_Jackal | 154 | 0.05 | 5 min |





