








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 53 matches | ||
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2026 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,514 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1355 | 16% |
| Smokes | 2390 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2671 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2098 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $585,676 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Porkchop | 56% | 103 |
| #2 | Shoeshang | 48% | 266 |
| #3 | giraffetrades | 47% | 173 |
| #4 | killallmytroubles | 47% | 32 |
| #5 | HoesMad | 37% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Porkchop | 56% | 103 |
| #2 | Shoeshang | 48% | 266 |
| #3 | giraffetrades | 47% | 173 |
| #4 | killallmytroubles | 47% | 32 |
| #5 | HoesMad | 37% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shoeshang | 31 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | giraffetrades | 13 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Porkchop | 12 | 0.0058 |
| #4 | killallmytroubles | 9 | 0.0137 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | giraffetrades | 574 | 0.17 | 13 min |
| #2 | Shoeshang | 202 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #3 | Porkchop | 129 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | killallmytroubles | 118 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | HoesMad | 70 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | killallmytroubles | +7.68 | 80 | 66 |
| #2 | Porkchop | +3.56 | 44 | 45 |
| #3 | HoesMad | +2.28 | 52 | 53 |
| #4 | Shoeshang | +2.16 | 34 | 49 |
| #5 | giraffetrades | -0.19 | 52 | 60 |





