








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 185 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
904 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,899 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1211 | 42% |
| Smokes | 508 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 785 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 395 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $202,427 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 102 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kottN | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | HolyC | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | Nicebike | 60% | 10 |
| #4 | kissA | 57% | 7 |
| #5 | chonky cat | 56% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Tuugeboi | 40% | 5 |
| #11 | Pekka Töpöhäntä | 40% | 5 |
| #12 | Knights who says "Ni" | 40% | 10 |
| #13 | WilleX | 33% | 9 |
| #14 | R1ku | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nr 1 goy | 4 | 0.0131 |
| #2 | Knights who says "Ni" | 3 | 0.0135 |
| #3 | Nicebike | 2 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | chonky cat | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Fisk fejs | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dingus | 63 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #2 | WalZzor⭕⃤ | 47 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | WilleX | 39 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #4 | HolyC | 36 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | Knights who says "Ni" | 34 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pekka Töpöhäntä | +5.23 | 71 | 35 |
| #2 | kissA | +4.93 | 86 | 61 |
| #3 | wywwe | +2.49 | 76 | 63 |
| #4 | HolyC | +2.37 | 39 | 68 |
| #5 | Dingus | +2.09 | 78 | 71 |





