








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 328 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 479 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




101 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6173 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,531 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3658 | 32% |
| Smokes | 4873 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 320 | 3% |
| Molotovs | 2680 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,987,796 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3279 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | chief | 45% | 142 |
| #11 | illuxe ✭ | 41% | 112 |
| #12 | jake | 41% | 37 |
| #13 | lnlyct | 39% | 51 |
| #14 | Barry | 33% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chief | 400 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #2 | exolample | 330 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #3 | illuxe ✭ | 281 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #4 | NoPromise | 180 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | Cheetos | 144 | 0.09 | 4 min |





