








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 156 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
441 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 511 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 64 | 13% |
| Smokes | 233 | 46% |
| HE Grenades | 129 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 85 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $285,044 of utility $220 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 91 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M2NK | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | Dr. Rackshit | 50% | 24 |
| #3 | p1mple | 46% | 35 |
| #4 | ᠌ SexBeaster | 43% | 23 |
| #5 | pippelsex | 42% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pippelsex | 9 | 0.0183 |
| #2 | peeveli | 6 | 0.0129 |
| #3 | ᠌ SexBeaster | 6 | 0.0142 |
| #4 | p1mple | 5 | 0.0074 |
| #5 | avg_peugeot_enjoyer | 3 | 0.0135 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p1mple | 93 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | Dr. Rackshit | 33 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | pippelsex | 27 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #4 | peeveli | 26 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | ᠌ SexBeaster | 22 | 0.05 | 0 min |





