








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 664 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 127 matches | ||
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2557 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,618 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 651 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1053 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2390 | 52% |
| Molotovs | 524 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $913,235 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 257 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ТРИ ПОЛОСКИ EZ4ENCE | 48% | 29 |
| #2 | ᠌ SexBeaster | 46% | 137 |
| #3 | kolm triipu | 45% | 56 |
| #4 | p1mple | 43% | 92 |
| #5 | ✿yℝℝuF | 38% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | p1mple | 43% | 92 |
| #5 | ✿yℝℝuF | 38% | 24 |
| #6 | Dr. Rackshit | 37% | 46 |
| #7 | pippelsex | 37% | 68 |
| #8 | avg_peugeot_enjoyer | 32% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p1mple | 21 | 0.0112 |
| #2 | ᠌ SexBeaster | 20 | 0.0073 |
| #3 | pippelsex | 11 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | Dr. Rackshit | 8 | 0.0084 |
| #5 | avg_peugeot_enjoyer | 5 | 0.0066 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p1mple | 240 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #2 | ᠌ SexBeaster | 154 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | pippelsex | 85 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | avg_peugeot_enjoyer | 47 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Dr. Rackshit | 46 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Rackshit | +2.14 | 66 | 41 |
| #2 | p1mple | +1.58 | 63 | 58 |
| #3 | ✿yℝℝuF | +1.41 | 59 | 17 |
| #4 | ТРИ ПОЛОСКИ EZ4ENCE | +0.75 | 39 | 46 |
| #5 | pippelsex | +0.44 | 61 | 42 |





