








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 690 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 159 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
918 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,749 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 480 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1352 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 580 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1337 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $732,573 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 141 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | leva | 44% | 16 |
| #7 | pippelsex | 43% | 14 |
| #8 | avg_peugeot_enjoyer | 37% | 41 |
| #9 | p1mple | 35% | 23 |
| #10 | ✿yℝℝuF | 32% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | peeveli | 4 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | avg_peugeot_enjoyer | 4 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | ᠌ SexBeaster | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | pippelsex | 3 | 0.0102 |
| #5 | ТРИ ПОЛОСКИ EZ4ENCE | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ТРИ ПОЛОСКИ EZ4ENCE | 135 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #2 | p1mple | 70 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | avg_peugeot_enjoyer | 53 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | peeveli | 51 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | ᠌ SexBeaster | 50 | 0.05 | 1 min |





