








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 649 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




72 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2211 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,809 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3296 | 37% |
| Smokes | 2216 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1958 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1339 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $274,062 of utility $80 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2936 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | крокодил | 64% | 11 |
| #2 | NohVoha | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | EnigmaRB6 | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | GwaiLo | 54% | 41 |
| #5 | Closer | 52% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | NohVoha | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | EnigmaRB6 | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | GwaiLo | 54% | 41 |
| #5 | Closer | 52% | 25 |
| #6 | jakeapotamus | 51% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jakeapotamus | 8 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | Closer | 5 | 0.0095 |
| #3 | GwaiLo | 3 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | крокодил | 2 | 0.0084 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jakeapotamus | 216 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #2 | GwaiLo | 78 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | Closer | 53 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | крокодил | 37 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | NohVoha | 24 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NohVoha | +3.55 | 79 | 63 |
| #2 | Pot of Greed | +3.54 | 81 | 81 |
| #3 | EnigmaRB6 | +1.37 | 39 | 53 |
| #4 | крокодил | +1.24 | 81 | 52 |
| #5 | jakeapotamus | -1.42 | 59 | 67 |





