








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 180 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3058 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,960 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3198 | 25% |
| Smokes | 3436 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3091 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3235 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $871,046 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 209 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gimme a Snax | 65% | 23 |
| #2 | jamesy 4.0 | 62% | 71 |
| #3 | NohVoha | 60% | 50 |
| #4 | крокодил | 57% | 86 |
| #5 | cancel weeb culture | 55% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Pot of Greed | 52% | 25 |
| #7 | jakeapotamus | 48% | 262 |
| #8 | MyNameJeff | 41% | 44 |
| #9 | GwaiLo | 38% | 95 |
| #10 | EnigmaRB6 | 31% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jakeapotamus | 14 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | крокодил | 13 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | MyNameJeff | 12 | 0.0136 |
| #4 | Pot of Greed | 12 | 0.0227 |
| #5 | cancel weeb culture | 12 | 0.0270 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jakeapotamus | 677 | 0.13 | 19 min |
| #2 | jamesy 4.0 | 241 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #3 | крокодил | 198 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | MyNameJeff | 194 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #5 | GwaiLo | 190 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jamesy 4.0 | +4.49 | 81 | 60 |
| #2 | Gimme a Snax | +4.37 | 87 | 78 |
| #3 | Pot of Greed | +4.03 | 83 | 79 |
| #4 | cancel weeb culture | +3.66 | 82 | 82 |
| #5 | крокодил | +2.19 | 72 | 58 |





