








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 285 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 144 matches | ||
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3046 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,695 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3961 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3414 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2056 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 3264 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $615,807 of utility $99 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 71 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JackPot | 74% | 27 |
| #2 | celery | 73% | 41 |
| #3 | We Todd Ed | 72% | 61 |
| #4 | prospekt | 68% | 22 |
| #5 | captain crunch | 68% | 162 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Speedyw69 | 65% | 52 |
| #7 | Susboy シ | 60% | 73 |
| #8 | Krissy | 59% | 172 |
| #9 | alwayslucky<3 | 50% | 22 |
| #10 | Boocard | 47% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alwayslucky<3 | 9 | 0.0200 |
| #2 | captain crunch | 8 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Krissy | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Susboy シ | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | We Todd Ed | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | captain crunch | 874 | 0.26 | 24 min |
| #2 | Krissy | 859 | 0.24 | 24 min |
| #3 | We Todd Ed | 407 | 0.32 | 10 min |
| #4 | Susboy シ | 260 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #5 | celery | 122 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | captain crunch | +2.94 | 85 | 73 |
| #2 | We Todd Ed | +2.90 | 65 | 66 |
| #3 | celery | +2.75 | 80 | 73 |
| #4 | prospekt | +2.53 | 62 | 66 |
| #5 | JackPot | +1.58 | 82 | 56 |





