








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 331 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 168 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2346 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,157 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2714 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2359 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1516 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1568 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $517,937 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 471 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jake Dahake | 68% | 37 |
| #2 | KOKKIES | 64% | 55 |
| #3 | nkosana von skeng | 62% | 13 |
| #4 | Naughty Noo-Noo | 60% | 53 |
| #5 | ♕ MadCap ♕ | 56% | 183 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | [...idiot...] | 56% | 25 |
| #7 | Corrupt | 55% | 22 |
| #8 | mthof'oyizigidi | 50% | 12 |
| #9 | ⛧BloodMoonッ⛧ | 50% | 14 |
| #10 | Spectrrr__ZA | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♕ MadCap ♕ | 51 | 0.0131 |
| #2 | KOKKIES | 17 | 0.0148 |
| #3 | Jake Dahake | 7 | 0.0086 |
| #4 | [...idiot...] | 4 | 0.0074 |
| #5 | Corrupt | 3 | 0.0060 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♕ MadCap ♕ | 511 | 0.13 | 14 min |
| #2 | KOKKIES | 205 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #3 | Naughty Noo-Noo | 198 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #4 | Jake Dahake | 152 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #5 | [...idiot...] | 68 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nkosana von skeng | +2.82 | 67 | 68 |
| #2 | YMKlouiB | +2.53 | 74 | 66 |
| #3 | [...idiot...] | +1.92 | 86 | 56 |
| #4 | Corrupt | +1.72 | 71 | 49 |
| #5 | mthof'oyizigidi | +1.35 | 70 | 47 |





