








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2100 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 139 matches | ||
| Wingman | 109 matches | ||
| Premier | 104 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6799 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,402 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6799 | 30% |
| Smokes | 5333 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 7116 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 3154 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,213,857 of utility $206 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 203 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Step Unc | 15 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | DB | 11 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Step Mom | 9 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | dorko | 8 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | bullet | 8 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dorko | 436 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #2 | DB | 416 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #3 | Step Mom | 332 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #4 | pineapple | 116 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | bullet | 103 | 0.04 | 3 min |





