








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 434 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 132 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4421 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,079 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3321 | 27% |
| Smokes | 4308 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 2489 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1961 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $853,923 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 124 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bambie | 56% | 32 |
| #2 | Dags | 51% | 51 |
| #3 | W.G. | 49% | 89 |
| #4 | Kravox | 47% | 106 |
| #5 | RightInThePussy | 47% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Oni-Chan | 46% | 26 |
| #9 | EBoy907 | 46% | 52 |
| #10 | -FinestAce | 40% | 40 |
| #11 | KoKo Narah | 39% | 46 |
| #12 | ExplodinGravy | 37% | 184 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fr3sh | 14 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | ExplodinGravy | 11 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | RightInThePussy | 7 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | EBoy907 | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | -FinestAce | 3 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RightInThePussy | 381 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #2 | Kravox | 372 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #3 | Dags | 202 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #4 | ExplodinGravy | 196 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #5 | -FinestAce | 195 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bambie | +3.09 | 86 | 39 |
| #2 | Kung Fu Kenny | +2.49 | 78 | 57 |
| #3 | RightInThePussy | +2.43 | 69 | 61 |
| #4 | Oni-Chan | +1.34 | 66 | 37 |
| #5 | -FinestAce | +0.95 | 72 | 63 |





