








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 937 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 264 matches | ||
| Faceit | 41 matches | ||
| Wingman | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Esplay | 3 matches | 1,809 | |
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4048 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,465 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2806 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3366 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2916 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2377 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,606,932 of utility $194 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 326 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nogger | 56% | 32 |
| #2 | crisp | 50% | 134 |
| #3 | spicy neighbor | 49% | 59 |
| #4 | Boober | 42% | 38 |
| #5 | mille | 40% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nogger | 56% | 32 |
| #2 | crisp | 50% | 134 |
| #3 | spicy neighbor | 49% | 59 |
| #4 | Boober | 42% | 38 |
| #5 | mille | 40% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | crisp | 8 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | mille | 8 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | Boober | 4 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | Nogger | 4 | 0.0067 |
| #5 | spicy neighbor | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | crisp | 325 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #2 | mille | 280 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #3 | spicy neighbor | 93 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Boober | 37 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Nogger | 34 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vilgot | +0.54 | 63 | 62 |
| #2 | spicy neighbor | +0.44 | 75 | 56 |
| #3 | Boober | +0.31 | 65 | 49 |
| #4 | mille | -0.15 | 81 | 54 |
| #5 | crisp | -0.23 | 76 | 58 |





