








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 60 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
506 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 472 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 257 | 54% |
| Smokes | 134 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 33 | 7% |
| Molotovs | 48 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $21,792 of utility $15 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MYTRAIDMARK™ | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | soy boi | 60% | 5 |
| #3 | most devious lick | 56% | 32 |
| #4 | Mr Pee | 52% | 31 |
| #5 | fab | 50% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr Pee | 24 | 0.0415 |
| #2 | Tommy g | 23 | 0.0508 |
| #3 | most devious lick | 20 | 0.0324 |
| #4 | Buzin | 7 | 0.0106 |
| #5 | Garry Glitter | 7 | 0.0227 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Buzin | 110 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #2 | Tommy g | 79 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | Mr Pee | 59 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | Garry Glitter | 57 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #5 | most devious lick | 43 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spoon | +5.76 | 77 | 19 |
| #2 | most devious lick | +3.39 | 78 | 37 |
| #3 | Mr Pee | +3.25 | 75 | 40 |
| #4 | MYTRAIDMARK™ | +2.82 | 79 | 55 |
| #5 | Tommy g | +2.42 | 72 | 57 |





