








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 550 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 252 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Esplay | 9 matches | 1,720 | |
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3760 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,550 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3926 | 29% |
| Smokes | 4021 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3051 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2552 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,347,370 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 804 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chucker | 59% | 32 |
| #2 | Läderlappen | 48% | 198 |
| #3 | k0ldan | 47% | 222 |
| #4 | Magicloafus | 47% | 43 |
| #5 | vlr | 46% | 329 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vlr | 32 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | NormalFeesh | 22 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | Läderlappen | 11 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | BananasStrikes | 9 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | k0ldan | 6 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vlr | 1271 | 0.18 | 34 min |
| #2 | BananasStrikes | 1229 | 0.20 | 37 min |
| #3 | k0ldan | 707 | 0.15 | 21 min |
| #4 | Läderlappen | 450 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #5 | NormalFeesh | 420 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chucker | +5.36 | 89 | 68 |
| #2 | k0ldan | +2.89 | 78 | 68 |
| #3 | vlr | +2.67 | 81 | 72 |
| #4 | BananasStrikes | +1.82 | 58 | 70 |
| #5 | Läderlappen | +1.54 | 74 | 57 |





