








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 564 matches | ||
| Premier | 122 matches | ||
| Wingman | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




56 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8931 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 33,008 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9479 | 29% |
| Smokes | 9130 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 6340 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 8059 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,345,725 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1040 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nLite | 69% | 54 |
| #2 | Amzsyy | 55% | 65 |
| #3 | deepforce123 | 55% | 175 |
| #4 | sexual lubricant phone | 53% | 152 |
| #5 | swoub | 53% | 131 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Hatch | 45% | 55 |
| #11 | VNTY | Xijing Ping Peek | 45% | 66 |
| #12 | Hiro | 45% | 75 |
| #13 | Rasta Smurf | 43% | 75 |
| #14 | Mojito | 41% | 96 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Galileo | 33 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | Jacks | 9 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Mojito | 8 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | sexual lubricant phone | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | 09manny90 | 4 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Galileo | 1255 | 0.20 | 26 min |
| #2 | 09manny90 | 960 | 0.25 | 22 min |
| #3 | deepforce123 | 684 | 0.18 | 15 min |
| #4 | sexual lubricant phone | 682 | 0.21 | 14 min |
| #5 | Jacks | 515 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swoub | +2.01 | 69 | 75 |
| #2 | Rasta Smurf | +1.80 | 57 | 50 |
| #3 | JaSaTo | +1.14 | 74 | 71 |
| #4 | Hiro | +0.82 | 74 | 57 |
| #5 | nLite | +0.44 | 80 | 34 |





