








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 325 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 119 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2712 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,991 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2063 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3237 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1986 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2705 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $811,381 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 279 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sdo | 56% | 18 |
| #2 | Jadsta | 54% | 46 |
| #3 | zoinx | 54% | 61 |
| #4 | pancake | 54% | 65 |
| #5 | benny the skid | 53% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | m | 51% | 108 |
| #7 | smitty | 50% | 42 |
| #8 | grdn. | 50% | 102 |
| #9 | MaNiFeST DeSTiNY | 47% | 30 |
| #10 | ⚡rez | 43% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | grdn. | 10 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | pancake | 7 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | benny the skid | 5 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | m | 4 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | zoinx | 2 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m | 274 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #2 | zoinx | 270 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #3 | pancake | 149 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | grdn. | 115 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | smitty | 99 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zekeee | +1.59 | 63 | 66 |
| #2 | ⚡rez | +1.50 | 60 | 46 |
| #3 | Jadsta | +1.34 | 68 | 58 |
| #4 | sdo | +1.20 | 63 | 51 |
| #5 | zoinx | +1.03 | 82 | 64 |





