








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 128 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 187 matches | ||
| Wingman | 30 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2710 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,730 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1642 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2209 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2149 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1730 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $760,696 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | j0daym4stah | 60% | 20 |
| #2 | Skitzo_2 | 57% | 54 |
| #3 | JLeiska | 57% | 65 |
| #4 | KolmioMafian Presidentti | 55% | 75 |
| #5 | J̶w̶E̶r̶T̶y̶ | 50% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UNCLEMAN | 16 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | KolmioMafian Presidentti | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | babyjoda | 3 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | SAULINIINISTÖÖ | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | JLeiska | 2 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UNCLEMAN | 447 | 0.13 | 12 min |
| #2 | KolmioMafian Presidentti | 362 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #3 | SAULINIINISTÖÖ | 176 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | Skitzo_2 | 132 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | Pyöveli | 121 | 0.09 | 3 min |





