








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
378 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,588 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 566 | 36% |
| Smokes | 298 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 486 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 238 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $99,468 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tyttökulta | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | 𝓙𝓪𝓻𝓲 | 73% | 15 |
| #3 | Hitmarker | 68% | 34 |
| #4 | Giggelsson | 57% | 35 |
| #5 | jusuf | 55% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tyttökulta | 1 | 0.0161 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Giggelsson | 100 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #2 | Hitmarker | 41 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | jusuf | 39 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | 𝓙𝓪𝓻𝓲 | 23 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | 33tv1r | 16 | 0.07 | 0 min |





