








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 244 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 360 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4142 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,133 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 337 | 7% |
| Smokes | 1361 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1065 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2370 | 46% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,060,307 of utility $202 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xp4nd | 58% | 179 |
| #2 | jorenzo | 56% | 214 |
| #3 | Zokkine | 53% | 252 |
| #4 | Sementtisetä | 52% | 159 |
| #5 | Kroko | 48% | 184 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xp4nd | 58% | 179 |
| #2 | jorenzo | 56% | 214 |
| #3 | Zokkine | 53% | 252 |
| #4 | Sementtisetä | 52% | 159 |
| #5 | Kroko | 48% | 184 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jorenzo | 21 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Kroko | 17 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | Sementtisetä | 9 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Zokkine | 7 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Xp4nd | 4 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jorenzo | 493 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #2 | Kroko | 380 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #3 | Sementtisetä | 370 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #4 | Xp4nd | 328 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #5 | Zokkine | 206 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xp4nd | +3.59 | 79 | 56 |
| #2 | Kroko | +2.50 | 77 | 57 |
| #3 | jorenzo | +0.84 | 66 | 57 |
| #4 | Sementtisetä | +0.37 | 76 | 66 |
| #5 | Zokkine | -0.65 | 63 | 46 |





