








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
893 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,752 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2452 | 52% |
| Smokes | 1118 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1019 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 163 | 3% |
Our logs show you have wasted $145,034 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | notes | 53% | 79 |
| #2 | talks like he's an anime | 52% | 21 |
| #3 | undr | 51% | 65 |
| #4 | gigalz | 51% | 67 |
| #5 | King | 47% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | talks like he's an anime | 52% | 21 |
| #3 | undr | 51% | 65 |
| #4 | gigalz | 51% | 67 |
| #5 | King | 47% | 19 |
| #6 | soup dwarf | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | undr | 12 | 0.0090 |
| #2 | soup dwarf | 5 | 0.0161 |
| #3 | notes | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | gigalz | 4 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | talks like he's an anime | 2 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gigalz | 227 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #2 | undr | 212 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #3 | notes | 166 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | King | 78 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #5 | talks like he's an anime | 67 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Quest | +3.14 | 69 | 76 |
| #2 | notes | +0.85 | 66 | 58 |
| #3 | talks like he's an anime | -0.55 | 58 | 49 |
| #4 | gigalz | -1.14 | 59 | 85 |
| #5 | undr | -1.33 | 40 | 81 |





