










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 531 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 255 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2752 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,877 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 870 | 10% |
| Smokes | 2854 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1630 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 3523 | 40% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,279,531 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 557 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rebecca | 67% | 33 |
| #2 | ♥ Puffy ♥ | 63% | 64 |
| #3 | Aspen | 57% | 28 |
| #4 | Pickle Ellie | 57% | 70 |
| #5 | Little Michael Jackson | 44% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Pickle Ellie | 57% | 70 |
| #5 | Little Michael Jackson | 44% | 73 |
| #6 | stetser | 43% | 61 |
| #7 | ✪J. | 40% | 42 |
| #8 | ♡⊹˚₊chips₊˚⊹♡ | 38% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪J. | 8 | 0.0097 |
| #2 | Little Michael Jackson | 6 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | ♡⊹˚₊chips₊˚⊹♡ | 3 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Pickle Ellie | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | stetser | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Little Michael Jackson | 319 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #2 | Aspen | 79 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | ✪J. | 70 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | ♥ Puffy ♥ | 46 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | stetser | 40 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪J. | +1.37 | 74 | 41 |
| #2 | Little Michael Jackson | +1.33 | 54 | 61 |
| #3 | ♥ Puffy ♥ | +0.94 | 56 | 36 |
| #4 | Rebecca | +0.45 | 69 | 51 |
| #5 | Pickle Ellie | +0.24 | 41 | 42 |





