








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 352 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Wingman | 41 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1893 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,896 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3651 | 34% |
| Smokes | 2113 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 2835 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2297 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $256,647 of utility $53 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 61 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dywoo | 48% | 198 |
| #2 | Two Wine Glass In | 46% | 24 |
| #3 | Chonk | 46% | 129 |
| #4 | NA_Jerry | 44% | 34 |
| #5 | CHU CHOQUÉ ! | 42% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dywoo | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | Chonk | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | CHU CHOQUÉ ! | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | NA_Jerry | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Two Wine Glass In | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CHU CHOQUÉ ! | +1.63 | 48 | 54 |
| #2 | I pledge Eligence | +1.12 | 56 | 72 |
| #3 | Two Wine Glass In | +0.56 | 46 | 66 |
| #4 | Chonk | +0.24 | 66 | 39 |
| #5 | NA_Jerry | +0.15 | 64 | 58 |





