








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 48 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 107 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1597 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,481 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1189 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1304 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 662 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1326 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $360,950 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joeker | 52% | 23 |
| #2 | I pledge Eligence | 44% | 34 |
| #3 | Chonk | 41% | 100 |
| #4 | Dywoo | 40% | 102 |
| #5 | Solarstorms | 38% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Chonk | 41% | 100 |
| #4 | Dywoo | 40% | 102 |
| #5 | Solarstorms | 38% | 26 |
| #6 | CHU CHOQUÉ ! | 32% | 19 |
| #7 | Two Wine Glass In | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I pledge Eligence | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Solarstorms | 3 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | Dywoo | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Joeker | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | CHU CHOQUÉ ! | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dywoo | 221 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #2 | I pledge Eligence | 150 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #3 | Chonk | 56 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | CHU CHOQUÉ ! | 24 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | Two Wine Glass In | 18 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I pledge Eligence | +1.36 | 61 | 72 |
| #2 | Joeker | +1.18 | 75 | 49 |
| #3 | Two Wine Glass In | +0.89 | 66 | 69 |
| #4 | NA_Jerry | +0.56 | 62 | 58 |
| #5 | CHU CHOQUÉ ! | +0.49 | 55 | 55 |





