








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 301 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 252 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2703 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,610 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2209 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2625 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2736 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2040 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $201,637 of utility $32 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 124 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr Pugface | 45% | 22 |
| #2 | Blondie_ZA | 41% | 46 |
| #3 | Wizard Lizard | 41% | 34 |
| #4 | THC | 40% | 154 |
| #5 | VuNati | 39% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | iLoLz | 36% | 151 |
| #8 | Spartan | 36% | 28 |
| #9 | {SG}H0B0 | 35% | 99 |
| #10 | BING CHILLING | 35% | 111 |
| #11 | Unicornpant | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | THC | 7 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | iLoLz | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | SexyBears | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | BING CHILLING | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | {SG}H0B0 | 3 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SexyBears | 394 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #2 | iLoLz | 388 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #3 | THC | 318 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | BING CHILLING | 256 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #5 | Blondie_ZA | 176 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blondie_ZA | +3.07 | 68 | 65 |
| #2 | Wizard Lizard | +1.33 | 15 | 36 |
| #3 | Hilly | +0.97 | 63 | 55 |
| #4 | SexyBears | +0.81 | 44 | 62 |
| #5 | BING CHILLING | -0.25 | 34 | 55 |





