








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 225 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 418 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4084 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,400 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4388 | 33% |
| Smokes | 3146 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2711 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3155 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,129,582 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bladebeta | 54% | 65 |
| #2 | Unicornpant | 51% | 78 |
| #3 | Blondie_ZA | 44% | 116 |
| #4 | Spartan | 44% | 66 |
| #5 | SexyBears | 42% | 400 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | Mr Pugface | 34% | 113 |
| #13 | Nixon_X | 34% | 146 |
| #14 | Big Yin | 33% | 30 |
| #15 | Wizard Lizard | 30% | 37 |
| #16 | VuNati | 23% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nixon_X | 25 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | SexyBears | 17 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | iLoLz | 13 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Mr Pugface | 8 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Claydooooo | 6 | 0.0095 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iLoLz | 939 | 0.13 | 25 min |
| #2 | SexyBears | 891 | 0.11 | 23 min |
| #3 | Nixon_X | 550 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #4 | Blondie_ZA | 416 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #5 | Hilly | 277 | 0.12 | 6 min |





