








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 220 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4069 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,319 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 974 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1079 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1151 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1115 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $512,529 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Juno | 55% | 49 |
| #2 | Tomfoolery | 49% | 87 |
| #3 | Tom of Rivia | 48% | 120 |
| #4 | Gangster Farmer Tom | 46% | 94 |
| #5 | Plum1x | 46% | 129 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | bean | 46% | 274 |
| #7 | Hookerwithatube | 41% | 32 |
| #8 | Big Ol Balls | 40% | 62 |
| #9 | greg | 40% | 25 |
| #10 | Gangsta Tom | 38% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bean | 36 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | Gangster Farmer Tom | 26 | 0.0133 |
| #3 | Gangsta Tom | 19 | 0.0149 |
| #4 | Tom of Rivia | 13 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | Tomfoolery | 11 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bean | 767 | 0.14 | 18 min |
| #2 | Plum1x | 125 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #3 | Gangsta Tom | 115 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | Gangster Farmer Tom | 91 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Big Ol Balls | 53 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tomathan Wickard | +4.44 | 83 | 40 |
| #2 | Gangster Farmer Tom | +3.86 | 74 | 43 |
| #3 | Juno | +2.23 | 79 | 29 |
| #4 | Tom of Rivia | +0.21 | 31 | 19 |
| #5 | Tomfoolery | -0.14 | 61 | 23 |





