








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 76 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1234 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,151 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 157 | 14% |
| Smokes | 136 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 460 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 398 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $312,733 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tomfoolery | 61% | 44 |
| #2 | Juno | 56% | 16 |
| #3 | Gangster Farmer Tom | 51% | 61 |
| #4 | Tomathan Wickard | 48% | 120 |
| #5 | bean | 45% | 137 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | ![]() Plum1x | 41% | 63 |
| #7 | Gangsta Tom | 39% | 18 |
| #8 | greg | 30% | 10 |
| #9 | Big Ol Balls | 26% | 19 |
| #10 | Hookerwithatube | 23% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tomathan Wickard | 20 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | bean | 16 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | Gangster Farmer Tom | 12 | 0.0095 |
| #4 | Tomfoolery | 6 | 0.0066 |
| #5 | Gangsta Tom | 5 | 0.0136 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bean | 360 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #2 | Tomathan Wickard | 135 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | ![]() Plum1x | 71 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Gangster Farmer Tom | 67 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Gangsta Tom | 32 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gangster Farmer Tom | +3.99 | 74 | 46 |
| #2 | Tomathan Wickard | +3.38 | 82 | 41 |
| #3 | Tomfoolery | +1.01 | 56 | 25 |
| #4 | Tom of Rivia | +0.48 | 31 | 20 |
| #5 | Juno | -0.05 | 69 | 25 |





