








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 92 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
728 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,709 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1020 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1012 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 741 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 936 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $171,387 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wobblyocean | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | BBC | 67% | 6 |
| #3 | IxEuphoricxI | 58% | 12 |
| #4 | Carbon | 55% | 22 |
| #5 | ChikkenFukker | 52% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Chafing Butthole | 50% | 6 |
| #7 | Eggsellent | 48% | 23 |
| #8 | Toby | 40% | 5 |
| #9 | Krius | 37% | 19 |
| #10 | no_shoot_pls | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ChikkenFukker | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | Eggsellent | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Krius | 1 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Toby | 1 | 0.0085 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Carbon | 63 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #2 | Eggsellent | 48 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | Krius | 27 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | IxEuphoricxI | 25 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Toby | 17 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wobblyocean | +2.02 | 58 | 58 |
| #2 | BBC | +1.66 | 56 | 59 |
| #3 | magic meat man | +1.21 | 55 | 68 |
| #4 | no_shoot_pls | +0.61 | 77 | 35 |
| #5 | IxEuphoricxI | +0.20 | 65 | 59 |





