








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1790 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 479 matches | ||
| Wingman | 145 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 105 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 81 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9964 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 31,587 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8776 | 28% |
| Smokes | 7484 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 6065 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 9262 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $957,325 of utility $50 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1947 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tuke | 62% | 69 |
| #2 | jarmo | 59% | 104 |
| #3 | Monster no homo | 57% | 528 |
| #4 | Antti | 52% | 209 |
| #5 | himas? jussi | 52% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Monster no homo | 49 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | jarmo | 24 | 0.0117 |
| #3 | iharauhassa | 14 | 0.0076 |
| #4 | copkillah | 11 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | nEz | 7 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Monster no homo | 601 | 0.06 | 12 min |
| #2 | jarmo | 456 | 0.22 | 12 min |
| #3 | Antti | 453 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #4 | himas? jussi | 228 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | tuke | 215 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jarmo | +3.64 | 80 | 74 |
| #2 | 100W Discoball | +2.18 | 68 | 65 |
| #3 | Monster no homo | +0.58 | 76 | 60 |
| #4 | 𝖕1𝖑𝖑𝖎 | +0.15 | 79 | 61 |
| #5 | tuke | -0.37 | 54 | 71 |





