








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
951 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,175 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 120 | 10% |
| Smokes | 462 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 323 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 270 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $376,430 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pobbus | 51% | 76 |
| #2 | semloh | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | clobbert | 47% | 74 |
| #4 | KLEINES HUND | 45% | 29 |
| #5 | the jonkler | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | semloh | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | clobbert | 47% | 74 |
| #4 | KLEINES HUND | 45% | 29 |
| #5 | the jonkler | 42% | 12 |
| #6 | axwq | 20% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | clobbert | 9 | 0.0061 |
| #2 | KLEINES HUND | 2 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | pobbus | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | axwq | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | clobbert | 181 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #2 | pobbus | 58 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #3 | KLEINES HUND | 47 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | axwq | 28 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | semloh | 26 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | semloh | +6.27 | 89 | 63 |
| #2 | the jonkler | +5.21 | 83 | 54 |
| #3 | ASTROX | +1.10 | 61 | 33 |
| #4 | pobbus | +0.30 | 49 | 35 |
| #5 | KLEINES HUND | -0.37 | 56 | 49 |





