








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1125 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 82 matches | ||
| Premier | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3975 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,611 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1995 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2092 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 693 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 831 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,719,161 of utility $197 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1611 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | semloh | 65% | 93 |
| #2 | axwq | 60% | 208 |
| #3 | the jonkler | 59% | 56 |
| #4 | clobbert | 58% | 214 |
| #5 | emo boy footjob | 57% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | clobbert | 432 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #2 | semloh | 381 | 0.21 | 11 min |
| #3 | axwq | 336 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #4 | the jonkler | 166 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | KLEINES HUND | 62 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | semloh | +3.81 | 84 | 71 |
| #2 | the jonkler | +3.46 | 80 | 48 |
| #3 | pobbus | +2.80 | 73 | 37 |
| #4 | axwq | +1.31 | 61 | 49 |
| #5 | ASTROX | +1.23 | 59 | 36 |





