








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 744 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 460 matches | ||
| Faceit | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 107 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5561 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,184 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6358 | 25% |
| Smokes | 6845 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 6180 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 5801 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,586,631 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 577 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | die Putzfrau | 57% | 100 |
| #2 | SturmS | 54% | 130 |
| #3 | Stoly | 52% | 173 |
| #4 | der Boss | 47% | 226 |
| #5 | Stryd | 46% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | die Putzfrau | 57% | 100 |
| #2 | SturmS | 54% | 130 |
| #3 | Stoly | 52% | 173 |
| #4 | der Boss | 47% | 226 |
| #5 | Stryd | 46% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | der Boss | 11 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | SturmS | 10 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | die Putzfrau | 6 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Stoly | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Stryd | 5 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stoly | 290 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #2 | der Boss | 259 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #3 | die Putzfrau | 208 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | Stryd | 131 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | SturmS | 53 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | die Putzfrau | +5.32 | 93 | 61 |
| #2 | Stoly | +2.90 | 85 | 62 |
| #3 | der Lehrling | -0.34 | 64 | 70 |
| #4 | Stryd | -0.39 | 81 | 62 |
| #5 | SturmS | -0.67 | 77 | 41 |





