








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 131 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 67 matches | ||
| Premier | 29 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1530 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,100 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1158 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1160 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 786 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 996 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $410,669 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 135 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Reptix2k | 62% | 13 |
| #6 | illusN | 57% | 14 |
| #7 | ❄ | 56% | 39 |
| #8 | shakeRr- | 54% | 26 |
| #9 | zesterYY | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shakeRr- | 4 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | ❄ | 3 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | tlx | 3 | 0.0149 |
| #4 | Reptix2k | 1 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shakeRr- | 118 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #2 | ❄ | 82 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | tlx | 48 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #4 | illusN | 26 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | ☜✪MoRo✪☞ | 22 | 0.11 | 1 min |





