








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 622 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 38 matches | ||
| Premier | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




56 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2891 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,696 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2366 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1439 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 2307 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2584 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $886,897 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 478 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ENGLEBERT HUMPER DINKSON | 57% | 94 |
| #2 | Moon Man Bing Bong | 52% | 206 |
| #3 | Who Ya Callin Pinhead | 51% | 127 |
| #4 | J2 | 48% | 27 |
| #5 | Al Shabab's Kebabs | 48% | 129 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ENGLEBERT HUMPER DINKSON | 57% | 94 |
| #2 | Moon Man Bing Bong | 52% | 206 |
| #3 | Who Ya Callin Pinhead | 51% | 127 |
| #4 | J2 | 48% | 27 |
| #5 | Al Shabab's Kebabs | 48% | 129 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Al Shabab's Kebabs | 54 | 0.0207 |
| #2 | Who Ya Callin Pinhead | 23 | 0.0091 |
| #3 | Moon Man Bing Bong | 14 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | ENGLEBERT HUMPER DINKSON | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | J2 | 2 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Who Ya Callin Pinhead | 357 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #2 | Al Shabab's Kebabs | 138 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | J2 | 137 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| #4 | ENGLEBERT HUMPER DINKSON | 132 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Moon Man Bing Bong | 113 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Moon Man Bing Bong | +5.73 | 89 | 20 |
| #2 | ENGLEBERT HUMPER DINKSON | +2.67 | 65 | 36 |
| #3 | J2 | +1.68 | 73 | 55 |
| #4 | FootyBister | +1.35 | 67 | 47 |
| #5 | Who Ya Callin Pinhead | -2.18 | 46 | 42 |





