








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 468 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 37 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




57 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2096 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,079 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2649 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1576 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 3476 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 2378 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $111,735 of utility $13 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 75 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Al Shabab's Kebabs | 347 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #2 | FootyBister | 305 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #3 | ENGLEBERT HUMPER DINKSON | 87 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Eldah | 81 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #5 | Moon Man Bing Bong | 75 | 0.02 | 1 min |





