








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 342 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 107 matches | ||
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3096 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,876 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3282 | 37% |
| Smokes | 2371 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1050 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 2173 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $562,071 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 563 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FreeZe :) | 77% | 13 |
| #2 | Surray | 74% | 23 |
| #3 | goowne | 74% | 23 |
| #4 | kaw0nee | 71% | 14 |
| #5 | Noodle | 67% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | JojoR7 | 61% | 69 |
| #9 | LegumZ | 60% | 15 |
| #10 | 1talp | 60% | 25 |
| #11 | Senpaii | 59% | 22 |
| #12 | SleaZy | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noodle | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | JojoR7 | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | 1talp | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | mike481 | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | KiCk!nG | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mike481 | 245 | 0.29 | 5 min |
| #2 | JojoR7 | 216 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #3 | KiCk!nG | 166 | 0.31 | 5 min |
| #4 | Noodle | 147 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | 1talp | 117 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Retarded Sloth Certified | +3.35 | 90 | 63 |
| #2 | KiCk!nG | +2.60 | 84 | 79 |
| #3 | Noodle | +2.58 | 88 | 61 |
| #4 | Senpaii | +1.29 | 78 | 61 |
| #5 | 1talp | +0.52 | 91 | 64 |





